"Only The Lonely"

A Personal Encounter With Lady S.

Ever lie in bed or sit curled in a ball? Do you sit and think endlessly, fantasize, or constantly find yourself daydreaming? Are your days filled with private tears as you masquerade publicly as if nothing is wrong? Ever think of ending it all because no one will miss you anyway? Do you find yourself tossing and turning all night and wake up worse than you felt at bedtime? Is there a constant battle going on in your mind about God’s love for you, and if he does, why do you feel so bad? If you’ve experienced or can identify with any of these, you are not alone.

In this ministry, we deal with practical as well as spiritual issues. We are parents of teen and young adults who are constantly faced with issues concerning sex, dating, peer pressure, and making choices. With regard to dealing with practical issues, my most recent encounter is a prime example.

On conditions of anonymity, I will call her Lady S. I was introduced to this young lady and after several encounters; she gained enough confidence to share her story.

Lady S. is a single young woman, successful, career seeking, and a born again believer. Although she has come to love God and is aware of his love for her, she has not always had this confidence. As a child, Lady S. parents were very strict. Nothing was allowed but church and then more church. Television, sports, boys, movies, play mates were all forbidden. Anything other than prayer and church were forces of darkness. "Although I spent the majority of my time in church, I still felt unloved and ungodly. You see, Ms. Wright, God was this heavenly being that only talked to the preacher and we had to get our information directly from him. The pastor was constantly in our business affairs. All of our decisions: which school the children would attend, which car/ house to purchase, whom to socialize with, etc. had to come from him. That is why I had a difficult time believing God loved, let alone cared about me. Since boys were evil, I never dated. It was not until I got to college that I spoke to men and even then, I was waiting for this ‘ big God’ to destroy me. I am a young adult now, but I still struggle with what is right and wrong sometimes. I find myself at odds about making simple choices. I know God loves and has my best interests at heart. I struggle with feelings of loneliness, Ms. Wright. Can you share with me how to deal with it?"

As I sat and listened to Lady S, a cold chill came over me. I could identify with many of the things she spoke of. Her request for advice was met with prayerful direction. When an individual has been hurt deeply and "godliness" is a source of that hurt, giving an answer must be done with Godly wisdom. After praying, I began to speak and the following scriptures came to mind. Deuteronomy 31:6, "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid for the Lord is with thee wherever thou goest." "The eternal God is a dwelling place…."Deuteronomy 33:27. ""For the Lord will not abandon his people on account of His great name, because the Lord has been pleased to make you a people for Himself." Isaiah 41:10. "Who will separate us from the love of Christ?………but in all these things we are overwhelmingly conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:35-39.

I explained to Lady S. that loneliness is a tool of the enemy. He enjoys attacking our minds. If he can get us to believe that we are alone then he will win the victory. I told her that Jesus eradicated that force after his great fast. In order to be victorious, we must come at the devil just as Christ did. "I will worship the Lord and Him only will I serve." In dealing with the forces attacking the mind, we must constantly reflect on the scripture, "Whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of a good report, if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8.

In a more practical sense, I explained to her that being alone does not mean being lonely. Loneliness is a choice. It’s easy to get caught up in the Hollywood hype that having someone makes a person happily ever after. From an early age, we are told that a person is never fully complete unless they are attached. Singles are often pestered by well meaning people to find someone.

Contrary to popular opinion, solitude can be a restoring force. It can be a time to develop our confidence, to heal and rebuild. The scripture instructs us that there is a place for solitude. The apostle Paul declares that singles have a unique ability to focus more completely on spiritual things. Jesus even taught by his example that solitude offered a time of prayer and meditation. In the Bible, you will find many instances where he retreated to a quiet place to pray and find the strength to go on. These are instances in our lives where being alone can be positive. Ironically, "it is only in solitude and reflection that we find our true selves."

Loneliness, on the other hand, is our choice and cannot be satisfied by filling ourselves with people and things. This, Lady S, will not bring you contentment. The challenge for believers is to refuse and reach out. I can share with you the suggestions I received. I was told to enlarge my circle of friends and my contributions to the world. Ways to do this, I told her, is to volunteer your time. This has a two-fold effect. It will keep your mind from idleness while simultaneously helping others, finding friends, and hopefully finding a better part of yourself. The battle cannot be won by physical means. Since the battlefield of loneliness occurs in our minds, we must deal with it spiritually. The challenge is ours. The solution is in the words of scripture. "The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous can come to Him and are saved." It is imperative that we do not get the two confused. Being alone can be positive and restorative. Being lonely is a choice and not the Lord’s intention for our lives. It, alone with other demonic forces, must be dealt with the Word of God, which brings rest and relief. "Only the Lonely," Not Anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Travestine J. Wright