In any healthy family relationship, parents occupy a place of authority and responsibility.  God ordained this in order that children would be protected, provided for, and taught the principles of godly living.  We are admonished in the Word of God to bring our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  (Ephesians 6:4)
Parents, therefore, should teach and encourage right behavior, as well as grow wiser in their ability to give appropriate discipline for wrong behavior.
No matter how good a parent may be, they sometimes make mistakes.  While the intents are usually sincere and noble, parents are still human beings and learning as well.
On the other hand, if a parent uses his God ordained position of authority over his children to gratify his own need for importance, power, or sensual gratification, that parent has crossed the line and become abusive.  It is then that the child’s one sure safe place becomes an unsafe place.  It is God’s desire that His children have a “place of refuge.”  (Proverbs 14:26)
When an innocent child gives his parent trust, and that parent turns and abuses him physically, mentally, verbally, or emotionally, that child is left to bear a weight of guilt and confusion which he is not equipped to deal with.  This will ultimately cause all kinds of problems in his adult life.
We are all aware of child abuse and the devastation it brings to families.  Yet, spiritual abuse, which we rarely hear about, is just as common, but far more damaging.  Spiritual abuse has some of the same features as child abuse in that someone is mistreated by the very ones they trust for help and guidance.  And it all occurs behind the closed doors of the church home.
In many cases, a leader uses his (or her) spiritual position to control and dominate another person.  There is no consideration or concern at all given to the person’s opinion or well being.  When the person has a genuine spiritual need, and often they do, that need will go unmet.  This is because abusive people use others for their own gratification.
Spiritual abusers have a certain spiritual standard of performance they require.  They can become so determined to defend their spiritual place of authority and their doctrines, that they will wound anyone who disagrees with them.  Their way of doing things is the spiritual standard, and you dare not deviate from it.
Whenever a person uses words or actions to tear down, attack, or weaken another person’s standing as a Christian, that is spiritual abuse.
There are systems in place where what people think, how they feel, or what they need and want mean absolutely nothing.  When people are not valued, then their needs go unmet.  And no matter how much they sing and shout and use the Name of Jesus, God is not working when families are ignored.  When the only reason members come to church is to meet the leader’s need for power and importance, spiritual abuse is in operation.
Please do not misunderstand me.  Just because a spiritual leader uses his best judgment to make a final decision which you oppose does not mean he is abusive.  If, however, he uses his view to devalue or tear you down spiritually, it then becomes abusive.  It is also not abusive to hold certain standards of group conduct, such as styles of dress.  It becomes abusive when others are shamed or degraded because they choose not to walk by the same convictions.
Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage Galatians 5:1.  We should therefore practice grace, and allow the Spirit of God to use us to lift the weights off others.  We should encourage others to strive to walk in the fullness of the life available to them in Christ Jesus.  People should never be forced to live under laws, rules, or doctrines of performance whereby they feel weighed down with the difficult task of maintaining your standard.
Christ paid an incredible price to obtain your freedom.  He has provided abundant life for us.  Our spiritual life is built upon God’s free Grace, and the works that we do are those that God prepared for us.  For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:  Not of works, lest any man should boast.  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.  (Ephesians 2: 8-10)
As you walk in the work that you have been created and saved to walk in, you will experience a life filled with the glorious liberty available in Christ.  If you choose to entangle yourself in the endless expectations and demands imposed by religious systems, then you will never mature in the fruits of righteous godly living.
.

By: Edmund Brown