Talking To Yourself - Part 4
I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live Deuteronomy 30:19
I have been speaking on the subject of how we talk to ourselves, and how the resulting misbelief (the lie that we believe) causes us a tremendous amount of misery. We act like we have no choice in the matter, when in actuality, we can stop believing lies whenever we want.
It’s our choice how we respond to what people say to us. We can both dethrone the situation and experience God’s peace, or we can give it more power and allow it to stress us out. The choice is ours and we own the results, be it negative or positive. Faith is the choice we make to dethrone the situation and let the virtues of the Spirit take charge.
It all starts when we face what we have been telling ourselves for years.
"I’m just like my daddy. That’s where I got my bad temper. It’s the way I’ve
been all my life." Have you ever heard someone say that? These people believe
that anger and temper tantrum is a part of their personality, and when something
happens, they cannot help but lose it. We use this explanation to justify
unacceptable behavior, yet we have no excuse act unseemly and hurt others.
This is just one of many misbeliefs that we need to be healed of. We have no one to blame for our bad temper but ourselves. We must accept the responsibility for how we act and stop pushing it off on somebody else. Once we realize the blame is on us, then we can seek God for discipline and direction. God can help us change. He can give us the grace we need to receive temperance and understanding; these virtues are supernatural and only come from Him.
It is so easy and convenient to make ourselves victims of circumstances. We do not believe we can ever change. We tell ourselves it’s somebody else’s fault. "My husband made me angry"; "My boss frustrates me"; "My preacher is the reason why I can’t progress spiritually". We have no one else to blame for our pitiful attitude but ourselves.
Our friends smoke therefore we smoke. Then when we get cancer, it’s our friend’s fault. Friends are social drinkers so we drink socially. Friends go to the casino so we go to the casino. Listen. No person alive can make us do anything we don’t want to do. Nobody makes us sin. We do it ourselves. It’s our choice and we choose. When we stand before God, we will only give account of ourselves. Our friends can’t help us our hurt us.
It is reasonable to assume that people around us influence us. The nature of circumstances really has an impact on us. We respond differently to our companion when he/she yells at us than we do when their words are gentle and softly spoken. We react differently to kids who respect us than we do to the rebellious strong-willed one. Yet we decide how we respond to individuals by what we believe. We decide whether or not we want to exercise self discipline or loss control.
You say, but I’m not feeling well; it’s that time and I have a headache. You may be ill but that’s not why you’re acting grouchy. The sickness made you feel unpleasant, but you are making yourself grouchy. And because you are making yourself grouchy, you are making it difficult for others around you. You can be cheerful if you chose to. The choice is yours.
Just because you are sick, that’s no excuse to act selfish and unpleasant. But we believe it is and we use our family to act out on. It’s unrealistic to blame family members for your discomfort. This is a misbelief that we need to get rid of.
"I was born this way so that’s just the way I am". Misbelief. "I would be happier if I were like Sister so and so." Misbelief. "I would be happier if I were better looking." Misbelief. "My neighborhood and my in-laws are making me miserable" "I drink because I’m under a lot of pressure." "The people at work make me curse". We need to stop blaming others for our unhappiness. How we feel has nothing to do with how we look, where we live or whom we work with. If we moved to a new neighborhood, we would still be unhappy because we made that choice. If we can’t be happy where we are with who we are, we won’t be happy if we move somewhere else or became somebody else.
I am the kind of person who wants to be liked and accepted. I want others to understand and appreciate the work I do both naturally and spiritually. I would prefer to be loved and accepted because it’s pleasant. But if I’m not loved and appreciated, I’m still going to be happy. To be happy and at peace with myself is a choice I make each day, therefore I am not quick to become unstable and overly anxious.
Paul and Silas were severely beaten with rods and thrown in a Roman jail. Their backs were bleeding, they were in pain, and chained to the floor of a dark cold prison. Paul didn’t blame Silas and Silas didn’t blame Paul. They did not get discouraged and start believing they missed it. Christians of today are not that way. When something bad happens, they say, "We missed it somewhere". They believe that things have to be good before they can be happy.
Paul and Silas had faith that took them beyond the circumstances, the people who hurt them, and the physical pain. Their faith was in the power of Jesus Christ. If they had to suffer to carry the message of eternal life, they were willing to suffer. So at midnight, instead of whining and complaining, they prayed and sang song. Instead of blaming somebody else, they sang so loud, it shook the jail cell open. They remained positive because they chose to. It was their choice.
If we believe that the choice is ours, then we can choose to be happy. We can choose to think true thoughts of others and ourselves. We can stop excusing the way we act whenever we want to. People don’t make us angry, sad, and sick. We do it to ourselves. We learned how to lose our temper, so we can learn how to control it.
As a Christian, our lives should never be dominated by outward circumstances. We suffer so much because we have not learned to be content in whatsoever state we are in. We still believe that love and joy depends on people, achievement and wealth. But the power is within us. It’s the power of choice. And that choice will always be ours.
By: Edmund Brown