The Root of Rejection

In order to sustain a healthy and lasting relationship, an individual must not fear rejection. When fear of rejection becomes the motivating factor in an individual’s life, he will spend more time trying to avoid rather than build the relationship.

No one goes through life escaping rejection. Everyone experiences some form of rejection at some point in life. If the rejection is severe enough to leave scars, it will not only cause the person to function abnormally in relating to others, but his relationships with God will suffer also.

The fear of rejection is very tormenting. Those who fear it believe they can only be loved conditionally. They feel their acceptance must be earned, therefore countless hours, days and years are spent trying to please others, thereby leaving themselves out in the cold. Why? Because our supreme pleasure can only be obtained when we are confident in who we are, and to whom we belong. People experiencing rejection lack this pleasure and are incapable of relating to others.

Is rejection harmful? Certainly! Rejection leads to loneliness and abandonment which can lead to more devastating feelings of control and manipulation. Because of their need to feel accepted, they are consumed with "doing" rather than "being". Instead of being themselves, they pretend to be like the people they detest; to enjoy going places and doing things they hate; and to pretend everything is fine when in actuality, they are dying inside.

These people lead lives of continual misery, afraid of being honest and confronting the real issues in their lives. They utilize worldly standards (money, status, clothes) to prove their self worth. No matter how much outward success a person achieves, they are not truly successful unless God is the major component of that success. Philippians 3:3 exhort us to "exult, glory and pride ourselves in Jesus Christ, and put no confident in the flesh, on outward privileges and physical advantages or external appearances". Appearances are the way we look, not who we really are.

An individual who is rejection-based is incapable of receiving love. They lack the capability to love and are suspicious of love in return. Instead, they wait to be hurt, disappointed or abused. Why? Because of that harmful deep rooted rejection.

Unless we accept our value and worth by faith through Christ, we will always be insecure and incapable of trust.

Receiving the love of God is a key factor in emotional healing. Once a person genuinely comes to believe that God, who is perfect, loves him who is imperfect, he can begin to believe that others might love him also. The need fore "quick fixes" and "boosts to our ego" will vanish.

God wants us complete (lacking nothing inward or outwardly). Rejection is a negative tool, part of Satan’s agenda. From the beginning, God formed man a complete being. So until we go to Him and expose ourselves, this sifting of the personality will never begin. We must allow our Father to destroy this cancer (from the root). Only then can we focus on developing and maintaining lasting relationships.